September 2006

September 24th 2006: Random entry...
Listening To: Jerimiah - Starsailor [Download This Track FREE]
Streaming Song Of The Day: Muse - Starlight [Download This Track FREE]

Streaming Video Of The Day:

So...I haven't blogged in the last few days. The reason for this is because yesterday I was too drunk and too depressed to blog. I'm not going to get into details, but I will leave it at that I did not have a good day out on Friday night and for the same reason I did not go out last night. I also didn't blog on Friday because I was too exhausted after work. Not getting into that either. I'm chilled out right now, and I don't want to get angry again.

I've actually had quite a productive morning this morning. I found a casino earlier this evening giving me $500 and an hour to spend it. But I am clever. I'm not accepting that just yet. I have found a Blackjack tutor, and I am going to learn the game perfectly before I wipe the floor with this casino, and any others who I encounter amongst my travels. And yes, that does include my advertisers. Be afraid. Be very afraid. I'm also downloading a lot of material a friend of mine e-mailed me. He's a businessman, like me. Just...far better at it than me! In light of this, he's sent me three "items" to help my ailing business. Plus I am expecting something else from him on Monday morning. Allegedly something very very good. I can't wait to see what he has to show me, because what he's sent already is fantastic. And he reckons what he's sending monday will be even bigger and better. Hmmmmm. I think perhaps my business might suddenly take a sharp upturn in fortunes. So all in all, things are looking up for me at the moment. Plus today I'm going to go see Talladega Nights. Will Farrell and Sasha Barron Cohen together in a film about motor racing...it's going to be good!

Right...must be off. Cigarettes to smoke and breakfast to be eaten.

September 21st 2006: Bliss
Listening To: Dido - Don't think of me [Download This Track FREE]
Streaming Song Of The Day: Joan Jett - I Love Rock And Roll [Download This Track FREE]

Streaming Video Of The Day: N/A
This morning I was really stressed out. I'd just gotten off the shift from hell. Chris is a total fuckwit who can't do shit for shit. I worked out that last night he worked the massive amount of 60 whole cases. Prick. But then I got in and had a long, long chat with a good friend I haven't heard from in over 6 months. We discussed just about everything going on in both our lives. I've known her for over 6 years, and we used to date, but then both realised it wasn't going anywhere so simply went back to being friends. Although she'd kill me for saying it, she's quite possibly the nicest, most genuine person I know. To the point that since I will be getting more money and more holiday next year, I think I might fly out and see her. If just to finally meet her.

And then, this morning, due to my brother's tidying efforts yesterday, I realised he has tidied my copy of The Game. Hence I cannot find it. So I went on BitTorrent and downloaded another copy. So I now have a copy of this book on my phone now, and I think I can read faster on a PDA than I can using paper media. Funny. Must be part of Autism that ties in with the being able to express yourself better in electronic communication than with paper and ink. On a PDA I can read at about 2 pages a minute, with a conventional book it's just 1 page a minute.

But my thoughts and prayers go out to Richrd Hammond's friends and family today. For those of you who don't know who he is, he a presenter of a motoring show here called Top Gear. And yesterday he was involved in a 300mph crash in a jet powered dragster. According to the latest news in the newspapers, he's in a serious but stable condition and the doctors are optimistic he'll make a good recovery.

I also want to raise the point of smacking children. Because there is a programme on TV about how terrible it is. Personally, I'm in the pro-smacking group. If I had kids, I'd smack them. Why? Because I was smacked, and it didn't do me any harm. I'm not talking about beating the crap out of your kids, I'm talking about a quick, sharp smack when all else fails. And the thing is, putting kids on the stairs, or the naughty step or whatever is all well and good, but they adapt to it. And you can't put kids in their room anymore, because their rooms are decked out better than our lounges. Like I said, I was smacked, and I think my morals are way out of step with the new generation's morals. I get drunk, and can walk past people without wanting to "happy slap" them. I take my mobile phone out to the pub, and I take photos of my night out, not some guy with a smashed in face. I'm also not out shagging everything in sight then asking for a handout when someone gets pregnant. Nor do I feel the need to hurl abuse at shop workers when I don't get my own way. And I think this is because when I was a kid, if I did something wrong, I got yelled at. And if I kept on being naughty, I got smacked. And my bedtime was fixed, not when I felt like it. Hell, until I was 16, my bedtime was 10pm.

Tags: Dido, Joan Jett, Richard Hammond, Smacking Children


September 20th 2006: Tired, cranky, frustrated, our new "lodger" and rollups
Listening To: Everybody's Fool - Evanescence [Download This Track FREE] (Rename from .rbs to .mp3)
Streaming Song Of The Day: Goddess On A Highway - Mercury Rev [Download This Track FREE]

Streaming Video Of The Day: Everybody's Fool - Evanescence

Normally I'd apologise for only having two music downloads today, however:
1) I'm not going to change what I am listeing to just for another download
2) The video for this song is amazing

I am tired, because I had sod all to do at work last night. Because we're playing "Bipolar Deliveries" this week. Small delivery, big delivery, small delivery, big delivery, small delivery, massive delivery. Tomorrow night is going to be shite. I know this, because I know some of what it coming in. Too much. I am cranky because Chris is actually brain dead I believe. Stupid questions last night included:
"Are there any crisps in the tinned and drinks section of the warehouse"
"If you're doing the ambient, and there isn't a lot, should I help Andrei with the chilled?"
"Is the kettle working or does it still short out the kitchen?" (with the kettle that shorts the kitchen right in front of him)
"Sue, how do I do fuel cards? Andrei won't tell me anymore"
"Why do we need to rotate the bread?"
"Oooohhhh...7am, can we go home now?"

And for your consideration in the case that Chris is a complete and utter fucking moron:
Me: "Chris, why are you putting the bread lengthways?"
Chris: "I don't know"
Me: "Who told you to?"
Chris: "No-one"
Me: "Is it out lengthways?"
Chris: "No. Do you want it put the other way around?"
Me: No, I want to hit you with a blunt object "Yeah, just turn it around. All of them."

I'm frustrated because this guy is going to be in charge tomorrow. Our store has put someone entirely incompotent in charge of a store. When we're going to be the busiest we are all week. It's insanity. For fuck's sake... And he gets away with this more or less. He got a mild bollocking off Andrei yesterday, but that was all. Very very mild. If I'd been in charge, I'd have gone nuts at the guy. Allow me to explain. The fire alarm went off on Saturday. So he declared there was no fire. Te basis of this analysis? He couldn't smell any smoke. So, he can't figure out how to shut it down, so leaves it on, and serves customers for 10 minutes. He sells them PETROL! During a fucking fire alarm! Only when it annoys him does he shut it down... I swear to god, when that station goes up, it's going to be on a shift he runs. And then, our manager turns around and says "If you want him fired, I'll do it, but you're not getting a replacement". Yeah, keep up that attitude. Wait until the hospital opens in 5 months and our customers triple. You keep up this whole "Well, I can't afford any more staff for nightshift, but I will hire another person to work in the bakery that is losing money hand over fist". I am quite angry today...

So, after all this shit, I come home and find that my brother's friend is asleep here again. AGAIN. He slept here yesterday too. It's not that he doesn't have anywhere else, he just can't be fucked to get on the train and go home. There is so much I would dearly love to write about this prick, but I can't. I have an agreement with my brother, and I simply can't go back on it.

And now, rollups. I cannot roll for shit. Even rolling tins cannot help me. I end up with tobacco exploding all over me. It's not good. But, smoking is an expensive addiction, so I decided I must find a way to roll. Ideally, a way to roll light cigarettes. That so isn't happening. So, I went on eBay and bought a Rizla Concept Rolling Machine. This thing injects tobacco into premade tubes complete with filters. Except it allegedly needs Rizla Concept Tobacco. Hahahahaha...no it does not. Not after I fiddled with it. It now requires Golden Virginia. Ok, I lie a little. These are not quite your standard cigarettes. Yet. It took the destructuion of four tubes for me to make a smokeable smoke. Given time, I WILL perfect this machine. Hell, I even fixed it after I broke it last time. Well...jammed it. Solidly. Now, considering I have made 5 cigarettes, my pouch is barely dented. And the pouch cost me the same as 10 cigarettes. Cheap smokes will be mine. Oh yes. They will be mine.

Right...with this rant finished, I will now go smoke another one of my delightful rollies (imagine a Marlboro Light but waaaaaay smoother) then read and drink tea in bed with my pocket laptop and a book.

Tags: Rizla Concept, Evanescence, Mercury Rev


September 19th 2006: Three days of Hell begin today...
Listening To: When you were young - The Killers [Download This Track FREE]
Streaming Song Of The Day: Here Without You - 3 Doors Down [Download This Track FREE]

Streaming Video Of The Day: Black Eyed Peas - Shut Up [Download This Track For FREE]

So, I have three days of hell to endure before I get my weekend off. Quite what I have done to deserve this, I do not know. Allow me to explain. Tonight, Andrei the Android is supervisor, and Chris is in. That is bad enough. A man with no sense of humour and a man with no sense. Then, tomorrow, Chris is supervisor. I have to say, this is quite possibly the stupidest decision in the history of the company. Wednesday is our biggest delivery of the week now. And the guy in charge has no clue. Seriously, he will have no idea what to do. According to Krystian, when he ran Saturday's shift, he did literally nothing. Not even facing up the cigarettes. Why? Because no-one told him to. And I am not going to help him. If anything, I'm going to try and deliver a sledgehammer blow right into his career. I know I'm good, and I know Pete is loving my work (he only joked with me, he let rip on Andrei and barked orders at Laura and Sue). So...he wants a shop floor supervisor on the toughest night of the week? Not happening. If it means him getting the boot, I'm willing to sacrafice my self given responsibilities. Naturally, what I am supposed to do will be done. I'm not going to discredit myself.

But last night's shift was pretty good. Mainly because for a good 2 and a half hours of the shift I had my MP3 player on. For some of you, this may sound unprofessional in a shop. But I don't use the tills, I just "put shit on shelves"as I so eloquently put it to anyone who asks what I do for a living. And I just had one earphone in, so I could hear stuff like fire alarms, and Andrei yelling at me. The only downside to this whole situation was that my Placebo album collection was so piss poorly encoded by me that Mobile Media Player thought they were videos. Hence, they didn't play. So I had to spend 5 minutes of my break removing them from the playlist. But I did learn that I like a lot of Evanescence's older stuff, which is unobtainable here, hence downloaded (fuck you RIAA, the band says to download it if you can't get it). So...with some jiggery pokery today, I will fill my 1gb MMC card full to the very top with very angry, very loud music and listen to it while I am putting shit on shelves. Oh man, tonight could be good after all. My moods are still all over the place while my body gets over my refusal to give it my anti-depressants. This said, I may need to invest in Kalms, just to make sure I don't decapitate Chris tomorrow night. Kalms and Pro Plus so I may be full on, old school Jack. Mwhah hahahaha. Poor guy won't know what hit him.

So....not really much else to talk about. At the moment my life is very very dull, and all I have to comment on is work. Even the news is dull. Chris Tarrant is divorcing his wife because he's been shagging his secretary for 10 of their 15 year marriage. Shell won't be making so much money (if they didn't make billions, I would care...) and Big Brother's Grace got beaten up by a yob and "tortured" with a cigarette. Ho hum. The pressures of fame and money I guess.

Right...am off now to read my book and drink tea in bed. And make notes from said book on my new "toy" as a friend and the eBay seller called it.



September 18th 2006: Propaganda on ITV1
Watching: Tonight with Trevor McDonald
Streaming Song Of The Day: Don't feel like dancing - Scissor Sisters [Download This Track FREE] (change to .mp3)

Streaming Video Of The Day: Mirrormask Preview

I have to blog this. There is a documentary show on ITV1 called Tonight with Trevor McDonald. Most of the time it is sensible. However, tonight it is about computer game addiction. Now, I have no argument that some people become addicted. Some. And they are backing it up with bullshit. They even got a psychologist that couldn't conclusively say that their case studies were addicts. But she did say they resembled addicts - "getting high on the sense of achievement". They couldn't even get the terminology right! I mean, they were there saying "there are these games that never end, they connect to the web and download new levels once a player has finished the last level". Actually, the web and the internet are different things entirely. The web is solely Hypertext pages. The internet covers everything else. It's amazing that journalists can go onto national TV and just make up bullshit about something. They even came out with this statistic - "He played for 110 hours over 10 days. That's more than 11 hours a day". No. No it is not. I have no mathmatical skills due to my Autism, but even I know 110 divided by 10 is not more than 11! I think I will e-mail their show and ask if I can make a documentary. "Did you realise, every year, cars kill people. It may sound amazing, but it happens". If this was about a political party then a) it wouldn't be allowed and b) it would be classed as propaganda.

And last night at work was really quite random. We had Sue, Laura and Pete in by 3:30am. Which was sort of good because Krystian missed the last train from Bournemouth. So he didn't turn up. And Sue, Laura and Pete helped with the delivery. Which meant it was finished by 6am. This being said, at 6:15am, Sue and Laura were in the back bitching about how they weren't night shift and it was entirely unreasonable they were even asked to do night shift work. They even argued that they are Trading Managers now and they shouldn't have to do this stuff. So funny. They're so up their own arses now, Diva doesn't actually justify what a sense of self importance they have.

Oh, I posted the MirrorMask preview because I saw Aza post about this film on her blog, and I was sold on the fact that it was like Labarynth.

Right, must watch Numb3rs on my crappy Freeview box which it would seem is allergic to Autumn.

Tags: Tonight with Trevor McDonald, Video Game Addiction, Junk Journalism, MirrorMask, Freeview


September 17th 2006: Drinking session started - 7:45pm. Drinking session finished - 7:15am
Listening To: I am all musiced out
Streaming Song Of The Day: Chumbawumba - Thubthumping [Download This Track FREE]

Streaming Video Of The Day: Viva La Bam Scavenger Hunt


I request but three things of you.
1: Suspend your disbelief
2: Do not ask how I posted this after a 12 hour drinkng session.
3: Ignore my awful speklling

So, I must blog. Purely so I remember this wonderful night. It started, much like any other night off. Atr The Tho,mas Tripp. And I decided I would try some of my techniquews. Sober. And they worked. On the gay barman, who spemnt the rest of the night eying me up. This was not wonderful. And man, am I ever glad I discovered the split in my other suit trousers before I wore them out. So, I am feeling dejected. One very VERY hetero barMAN, and one very very gay barMAN. No bar LADIES in sight. And then chubby Katie Melua from last night strolls in in a Thoms Tripp T-shiort. Game on methinks. And it was going so well. Many smiles. Many cute blushes. Much flirting going on. And then I opemned my big mouth and taught Mike everything I know. And my god, what a student he is! One trip to the bar was all he required to divert every ounce of attention fron Podgey Katie Melua from me to him. She got his glasses whilst I was at the bar. Rather than serve me, she changed our ashtray. And then I hit back. I threw every dirty trick I knew at this poor, unsuspecting girl. Which left her in the corner, with Lurch and Queen of Queens shouting at them "I am not that attractive". Before coming to our table, looking me square in the eye, blushing and looking at her feet, then going to check the notice board and then walking back past our table and collecting glasses. So Mike decided to up his game. Flashing smiles, discreetly paying her attention the whole time she passed. I hit back, I payed her much attention, and used a bit of NLP. So, roughly at a draw with her affections, last orders got called. Which lead to a small argument over who was going to buy the last round. For we both really wanted to. Mike won, for he is a rugby player and I am not. So, guess who served him? Lurch. Leaving us at a draw. I ama competitive man. So I decided to throw in one last shot. I looked Podhgey Katrie in the eye, smiled and said "see you soon". To which she blushed, smiled back and said "yeah, hope so, night!". Mike, being a sportsman, was not content I had scored a last, dying point, so went up to her, shook her hand, looked her in the eye and said "thanks for tonight, no, really, thank you." Which made her blush and give him a small kiss on the cheek. Bastard.

Now, for those who read this who are worried about these antics, allow me to rationalise. AQ kiss on the cheek would have been to far forme. I am out to give someone a good night. Or in this case, a good weekend. I want to flirt. I want to give some girl the feeling of being respected, appriciated, and wanted. And there I draw the line. Physical contact is a no no for me. I am happily in a relationship which I do not want to risk by a night out. But if these techniques can make some barmaid feel a bit special for a weekend, precisely who is it harming? I live life by a new motto these days "no harm, no foul". To explain why I am a bit annoyed Mike "got the girl" when I didn't, it is simple. He had one lesson, learning everything I know, and stole a girl who I had been charming all night yesterday from right underneath me. It annoyed me. I'ma competitve soul, and I don't like losing. Especially to my student.

And now I must go massturbate, then sleep.



September 16th 2006: An Ok-ish night
Listening To: Dido - Do you have a little time?
Streaming Song Of The Day: Grease - You're the one that I want [Download This Track FREE]

Streaming Video Of The Day:

So...I got my XDA Exec yesterday. It's even better than I expected it to be. And it's a little Aladin's cave! The more I play with it, then more I discover about it. For example, if you fold the screen over the keys so it's in portrait rather than landscape, the screen automatically adjusts so it's in portrait rather than landscape. And the MP3 player keeps going, even when everything else is shut down. But here is the real kicker - once I upgrade the Flash and Real Player software, I will be able to listen to BBC Radio and watch YouTube on it. We like my phone. Plus it's so easy to use! And if I plug it into my USB port, it charges. Now I just need to get the enhanced battery for it, so that I can top it up rather than having to wait until it to drop down to about 10% power.

Last night was...ok. You know when you have amazing nights out. And then there are other nights out which are just crap. Last night was neither. It was just...ok. The band were very average. A bit of a rip off of The Killers, Jet and Kasabian. Normally, that wouldn't be a bad thing, but the singer just had to fill the set with the following clichés.

"Put you hands in the air, like you just don't care!"
"We are The Fazers, yeah, put your hands in the air!"
"Wave your hands if you're having a good time"
<start of the set> "We are The Fazers, and we're here to rock you!"

And then there were the comments from the crowd:
"They're ok, not good, not bad, just ok"
"I thought an alternative band were playing tonight. Obviously not if this is them"
The Band: "Fazers, Fazers, Fazers..."
Crowd: "Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off.."

And there was a fight! A guy stormed over to a table, called the girl a guy was sat with "a fucking whore", then smashed the guy's pint glass, grabbed him, and threw him out into the street to fight him. At this point, a quarter of the people in the bar left. Which left us with a massive table free. So me and Mike sat on it and listened to the rest of the band's set. Which actually consisted of playing the same song 3 times in a row. Who knows what happened after that. Well, I do remember a couple of things, but they aren't for mention here. Private matters.

Oh, I do remember one other thing. What happened at the bar with my new found tricks. Very interesting stuff going on. Same barmaid (the one I had been using my tricks on) served me every single time, made excuses to take longer to serve me, and even gave me a little wave when I got to the bar the last time I went up. It is so strange getting reactions like that from a girl who was far out of my league. Imagine a podgey Katie Melua, and that is what this girl looked like. Far out of my league. And I've held up my end of the bargain, I am beginning to teach Mr Micheal these techniques in a way he understands. So tonight, we're going out to test them. Or rather, I will be his "wingman".

Right, time to munch steak sandwiches and prawn baguettes.

Tags: The Fazers, XDA Exec, The Thomas Tripp, The Game

September 15th 2006: Stuff and nonsense and why I am still awake at 9:50am.
Listening To: Thursday's Chris Moyles Show (it's in Yesterday's post if you wanna listen)
Streaming Song Of The Day: Freddie Mercury and some opera woman - Barcelona [Download This Track FREE]

Streaming Video: Placebo - Every Me Every You (Live)

Ok, so today's Friday Freebie is good, but a bit complex. All depends how computer illiterate you are I suppose... I'm offering up a free "copy" of Placebo's Without You I'm Nothing. The reason? We decided last week that this was Placebo's best album, and that there wasn't a bad track on the album. If anyone from Elavator or Placebo have a problem with this, we'll take it down, but first please read the legal notice at the bottom.

Placebo - Without You I'm Nothing (rename these files .mp3 once downloaded)
1: Pure Morning
2: Brick Shithouse
3: You Don't Care About Us
4: Ask For Answers
5: Without You I'm Nothing
6: Allergic (To Thoughts Of Mother Earth)
7: The Crawl
8: Every Me Every You
9: My Sweet Prince
10: Summer's Gone
11: Scared Of Girls
12: Burger Queen

So, download it, and listen, and enjoy it. And if you really like it, why not get this MP3 player with it? I'm not making any money from this, hence it being part of the Friday Freebie. It's £15 and looks quite nice actually.

Firstly, I want to say what fucking morons Hampshire County Council are. Bastards. They are digging up the pavement. And guess where these "enhancements" start? Yup. Right outside my house. They actually begin on the edge of our front wall. So guess how much mail I have today. That's right - NONE! And I know our postman is normally here at about 8:45am, because I see his shadow when I am...ahem...pleasuring myself in the front room. So right now it's 10:30am, and I have no mail. And the builders are sat in their truck 2 doors up the road drinking Coke. And then the fucks had the nerve to make a comment about me not getting any post. Ahahahaha...so funny. How about I get some thumbtacks and throw them all around the edges of your truck? That'd make me laugh. Your tyres full of drawing pins would make me laugh a lot. To paraphrase Russell Brand's Podcast this week - "Oooohhh...I've got Baron Munchousen Syndrome, I can't help myself putting diesel in their coke bottles".

And the latest on my XDA is that the guy sent it a day late, and it should have arrived yesterday. But it didn't. So we have arranged that if it isn't here today, we'll collaborately slap Royal Mail, provided he gives me proof he actually sent the damn thing. eBay is cheap, but full of risks.

Work was pretty good. 306 cases finished in an hour and a half. Was powered by Relentless again...but we all absolutely flew. Even Andrei. By 4:45am, we were completely finished. Almost unheard of.

So, for the weekend. Going out tonight to hear Ear*Candy play. Has been a long time since I've done that. Plus, I get to try out some new tricks I've learnt. Should be very interesting indeed. And for those worrying, they shouldn't. I'm not out to do anything more than have someone to flirt with for a night, because even with company, I get kinda lonely. Plus, 'citing to meet strange new people who you don't know! Not to mention funny to see someone who wouldn't give you the time of day under normal circumstances being your little puppy dog for the evening. Confuses the crap out of the pretty boys.

Right, I am hungry, and I feel breakfast is in order. Or maybe more like brunch... Anyway...time to go eat! And then with some luck, sleep before 1pm!


September 14th 2006:
From Mock The Week:

On the subject of Lipstick, Vaseline and Jam:
"These are items you can use to bring down a plane if you are a sorcerrer"
"Let's be honest people, no-one can make an explosive out of these items. Ok, maybe McGyver"

On the subject of books
"What am I going to do with a book? Hold up everyone with papercuts? This is a holdup. Yeah, that's right stewardess, this is war and peace, there's 700 more papercuts where that came from!"

On pilots:
"Pilots aren't allowed to take plastic knives on the plane. Despite the fact there is a an AXE in the cockpit"

On the subject of liquid explosives:
"You can now only take baby milk on a plane, and that's if you taste it. Precisely how is this going to worry suicide bombers? They want to die, I don't think tasting liquid explosives is going to worry them if they die from it"
"Ah, yes, hello stewardess, could you warm up this liquid explosive...ummm...I mean baby milk"

September 14th 2006: Another day, another day without my new phone
Listening To: Shapeshifters - Lola's Theme [Download This Track FREE]
Streaming Song Of The Day: Bran Van 3000 - Drinking In LA [Download This Track FREE]

Also: Incubus - Megalomaniac [Download This Track FREE]

Streaming Video Of The Day: Nirvana - Lithium [Download This Track FREE]


Bonus Thing: Chris Moyles (you have to listen just for the Super Gay part, 5 minutes into the stream)

Hmmmm....so, not a lot has been going on today. Woke up at 6pm, after going to bed at 8:30am. Did manage to get a LOT further in my new project. It's another drug related project connected to my autism, and I think I may have all but cracked it. Certainly seems that way from the research I was doing this morning. Again, working just with natural stuff, but I've made a significant leap forward or so it seems. May have to run a few more tests on it before I do anything further.

And still have no XDA. It isn't that I've missed the delivery, there's no note saying I've missed the delivery. It just hasn't been shipped yet. So I have e-mailed the seller to tell him if he doesn't give me a reasonable explaination as to why it's not been sent yet, then I'll get eBay and PayPal involved. I hate it when this happens. It's only ever happened once, and a firey e-mail sorted it.

Not a lot happened yesterday either. Delivery was an hour and a half late. And we got a fair amount in, so we finished bang on 7am..It didn't help that Andrei is absolutely incompotent and was slow as all hell yesterday.

And I have to comment on the Montreal shooting. A girl actually said this: "We were sitting there, having a cigarette, and this guy comes in wearing a huge black trenchcoat, with a retarded haircut, and a huge machine gun..." Ok, it was a tragedy, I know this, my thoughts and prayers go out to the woman who was shot dead by this fuck. BUT...he had a retarded haircut? And really...how huge are machine guns? I always thought they were pretty compact things. Unless he had an Arnie style gun... Also, much is being made of him wearing a black trenchcoat. Well in that case, I am dangerous and didn't realise it. Very dangerous in fact, because I own TWO black trenchcoats. One thick wool one for the winter, and a very thin leather one for colder days in the summer. Fuck me...

Oh, I have a new photo I need to post. Because a couple of days ago...I shaved my goatee. Here is the pic.

See? Much of the long, dangly goatee is now gone! If you want to see the bigger picture, just click on the picture and it should take you to the full size pic.

I've also got a pretty exciting new idea for this blog. I'll unveil it when it's done...but I think it's going to be really cool. Right...enough for me. Must go eat Spaghetti...

Tags: incubus, megalomaniac, shapeshifters, lola's theme, nirvana, lithium, XDA Exec, arsehole supervisors


September 13th 2006: Mixed feelings, damned postmen, being fantastic, damned advertisers, and confusion
Listening To: Portishead - Glory Box [Download This Track FREE]
Streaming Song Of The Day: Lit - My Own Worst Enemy [Download This Track FREE]

Streaming Video Of The Day:

I have a lot of mixed feelings flying around today. A year ago today I met my girlfriend, Tizz. Except because due to extreme stupidity on my part, we won't be celebrating our aniversary. I'm not getting into details here, but, leave it at what I did bordered on needing psychiatric help. So now we are at a virtual standstill in the relationship. I'm trying to stay out of her way, so she has space to think, whilst all the time wishing I could be with her. I'm not after sympathy here, it's just a wierd mix in my heart today. A clash of extreme joy, that someone actually wanted to stay in my life for a year, and extreme sadness that we're so far apart now that things may be beyond repair.

And after this, I also have extreme anger rushing through my veins. I WANT MY PHONE. If you work nights, waiting until "1pm at the latest" is an eternity. Why can't we have a "tell us when you want it, and we'll get it to you at about that time" service? Occado manage it. Tesco manage it. So why can't Royal Mail? And, if my phone doesn't show, I am gonna be pissed. It wants to be here. I have no clue if anyone reading this knows what a convergence device is, but the XDA Exec is the best out there for it. Think having a laptop, mobile, MP3 player and video player, along with Internet all shoved in one lil box. That's what this thing is. Admittedly, my phone at the moment does all this. Slowly. The XDA is a beast. If you took it back in time 5 years, they'd lock you up for being insane if you told them it's specifications. I mean...it runs what is the bastard son of Windows 98 and Windows XP. On something you can slip in your pocket. With a processor and memory of a PC from 5 years ago. Incredible. Give it 3 years, we'll have a mobile phone with a 1ghz processor, 30gb hard disk, and 512mb memory. Hell, if you want a laugh, put money on it. I told a fellow Computer Science student at college that within 2 years they'd break the 1ghz barrier. He laughed at me and told me computers would never need a processor that fast. 18 months later, Intel announced it. I'm rarely wrong when it comes to futurology.

And last night I rocked at work. Admittedly, I was really treading a tightrope between being hyper and being insane. I think I may have slipped a couple of times. Anyway...we ended up achieving a team average of 67 cases an hour. Andrei walked away shaking his head saying "it's too high...this can't be right...it's too high." He did also accuse me of using Cocaine. To which I retorted "I only ever use legal drug!. But you're not so far off actually..."

And I must apologise for yesterday's loss of menu bar. This has now been fixed. As has, the glitch which meant James Blunt played whenever this site was loaded up. I cannot apologise enough for that, and it will never happen again. Probably. I was trying some new advertising code which would have made me a nice stack of cash. Except it also rendered my site useless. Hey ho. There is always Plan B which is currently in the pipeline. I worked on it for about 2 hours last night and by my own admission, it looks stunning. Though it has yet to be tested on a server.

I won't start this paragraph with And. I was standing outside about 10 minutes ago, and I got to thinking. Did I miss the bit on the news where the world changed? I can't put my finger on what it is, but it feels like the world has changed around me, and I missed it. I'm not talking about my personal life, I mean the whole world. Style, fashion, social structures, everything. I know these things change anyway, but it's like there was a shift I wasn't aware of that happened last night while I was working like a nutter. I suddenly feel very out of place in the world. I think it was dwelling on today that did it. Relationships have changed. I'm sure things were easier in the last decade. I never remember things being this complex before. What the hell happened?

<After sleeping>
Well my phone didn't show. I finally went to bed at 1:30pm. Quite annoyed actually... Anyway, have to post this then work.



September 12th 2006: Some days, I hate my job
Listening To: Evanescence - My Immortal [Download This Track FREE]
Streaming Song Of The Day: Evanescence - My Immortal

Streaming Video Of The Day: Tori Amos - Spark [Download This Track FREE] (change .rbs to .mp3)

I am exhausted. I mean, properly exhausted. I cannot even get up to smoke. And now I am having 20 stupid questions played with me by my mother. We had a delivery of 475 come in, on time, with just two of us. Nice huh? And we got 375 of those cases finished. I think that's quite impressive. I hurt a LOT. My kidneys are aching, my back is aching, my neck is no longer capable of supporting my head, and I think when I've finished blogging, I am going to go collapse in bed. And this is after a can of Relentless, three espressos, and a guarana pill. I burnt through that lot by 6am. And I officially stopped caring at 6:45am, when the dayshift duty manager said "have you taken all the cages across and cleared the shop floor?", I told her I had, and she replied "good, and by the way, you need to not leave broken containers of milk on the floor, and you must clean spillages up immediately. Understood?" So I went into the back, showed her the unworked stock (which she said could have been finished, fucking bitch) then emptied my trolley at 6:50am, and smoked. Because when I work my nuts off to try and get the impossible done, and almost achieve it, and then get slapped in the face like that - fuck the company. For the last two nights I've willingly given up my 15 minute coffee break at 5am, just so their crappy little petrol station gets filled, and our manager pats us on the head for being good lil doggies. Even Andrei admitted he wasn't sure he could do what I do for as long as I do it.

And then, I come in, slump in my chair and read something shocking. Ricky Gervais charges for his Podcast. Why? According to Wikipedia - "On 20 February 2006, after performing twelve free podcasts with Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington, it was announced that all future episodes would be available from Audible.com at a "nominal fee". The reason for the commercialisation of the podcast was due to the significant cost of producing and online hosting for a weekly half hour show, and because Karl Pilkington is currently unemployed after leaving his job as a production manager at UK station Xfm". Hosting is NOT expensive. Especially not when you're as rich as Gervais and Merchant. And as for having to pay because their mate is unemployed...what the fuck is that about? And I am sorry, but producing a Podcast is not "significantly expensive". Look at the people online who do it day in, day out. For nothing. Money grabbing bastard. I'm actually starting to grow to hate this man. Not just this, but because of his constant attacks on Stephen Hawking. Hardly fair to pick on the smartest man on the planet for being disabled, when Ricky Gervais has more than one fault himself.

Oh, and I have to comment on the sheer stupidity of the eBay seller I bought my XDA Exec from. He said he was posting it "first thing" yesterday so it would arrive before 1pm today. Can someone tell me which post office opens before 8:20am? Because that's when I e-mailed him to confirm my posting address (I have no clue why I needed to do this...), and because this was apparently too late in the morning for my seller, he is now posting it today to arrive before 1pm tomorrow. Am highly annoyed. Wanted to use it today.

Right, time for a bit of writing, then sleep.

Tags: Ricky Gervais, iPodge, Stephen Hawking, My Immortal, Evanescence, eBay

September 11th 2006: Parody
Regulars to this Blog will know that I love anything that takes the piss out of James Blunt. Anyway, one of my business associates e-mailed me this, and it made me smile. Hope it does the same for you. Oh, and I fixed the streaming song and video of the day and added a couple of music downloads on the post before this one. Enjoy....


Tags: James Blunt, You're beautiful parody


September 11th 2006: ATM, I command thee to spit money at me!
Listening To: Russell Brand's Show on 6Music "Listen Again"
Streaming Song Of The Day: Muse - Hyper Music [Download This Track FREE] (Change from .rbs to .mp3)

Streaming Video Of The Day: Rage Against The Machine - Guerilla Radio [Download This Track FREE]

Ok, so in my posts I often show stuff I want. And I really want one of these! I've actually craved something like this for years, ever since I saw the concept in Star Trek (yeah, ok, I'm a trekkie, so sue me). The ability to control a computer through the power of thought...damn. For a start it would speed up blogging! Also, there's so much I'd be able to do with it. Art. Music. Writing. Hacking. Lots of possibilities...

And I just did an IQ test at Tickle. Was very happy with the results, my IQ has gone up by 8 points. Clever Jack. Though perhaps doing the test when I am very very tired and being talked to and getting a bit bored halfway through didn't help. Anyway, having a nicely high IQ is all good for me.

Plus my XDA Exec is coming tomorrow. Before 1pm allegedly. Have been looking around for accessories for it to buy next month. And I saw the most sensible accessory in the world, and I can't believe it's only available for smartphones. A higher capacity battery that you can charge any time, without damaging it. So not only does it last longer than a regular battery, you can top it up without lowering how much charge it will hold. How good is that? Must admit to loving the aluminium case too...

Work was pretty bad. One of the most tense shifts I've ever done, and I don't really want to talk about it.

Tags: xda exec, IQ, Neural Interface, Russell Brand


September 10th 2006: Power, sacrafice, and retirements
Watching: Something about Pirates...
Streaming Song Of The Day: Beat Your Heart Out - The Distillers [Download This Track FREE] (Change from .rbs to .mp3)

Streaming Video Of The Day: Micheal Schumacher Tribute


So, I ran the shift last night. How did it go? It was a shambles. For any of you who supervise or manage - I bow. Chris was slow, and there was nothing I could do about it because he was equally in charge. So at 7am, we had the facing up done, most of the papers done, and the delivery done. And Chris had done none of the papers because he left at 6am. Actually, Chris had done nothing all night. He'd done the cigarettes, the sweets, and put the suppliments inside each other. That was it. That's all he did all night. Oh, and faced up the wine section. Argh!

Then I did what I do every Sunday this time of year. Sacrafice sleep for one of the greatest loves in my life. Formula One. I got a couple of hours sleep before the race, got up, watched the race, then went back back to bed for 5 hours. Broken sleep is never good. Anyway, I got to see Kimi Raikkonen taking 2nd place, and got to see Schumacher finally retire. Actually, it's a double edged sword. I hate Schumacher because he wins everything and holds back the up and coming young talents from winning championships. Alonso only managed t because Schumacher had an off season. However...when he starts from the mid-field, he does give the spectators a hell of a race to watch. But then again, Raikkonen in a Ferrari is going to be the start of a new era. I think maybe he's going to be the next Schumacher or Hakkinen.

And lastly, I finally bit the bullet and bought an XDA Exec:

Very pretty. And it works like a mini laptop, which is just what I need. Except it's not as big and chunky as the Nokia 9500 that I have at the moment. And also...it works on Windows Mobile 5.0. Much better than the Nokia OS.

September 9th 2006: It's official, I work with retards
Listening To: Goldfinger - 99 Red Balloons [Download This Track FREE]
Streaming Song Of The Day: Lucy Silvas - What You're Made Of [Download This Track FREE]

Streaming Video Of The Day: My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Ok [Download This Track FREE]

Argh! I have just had the shift from hell! Mainly because I'm working with the biggest bunch of moronic fuckwits the world has EVER seen. We have Malcolm, who mark my words, is going to get a fucking rocket up his arse when he gets back. First, after doing a nice thing and giving Krystian yesterday off, he does nothing to fix the situation of me working 8 days in a row. More than this, he puts me down for THREE 7:30am finishes. So I look at the rota for the next 6 weeks, and go nuts. He's put me down to work 8 days in a row, then have 2 days off, then back in for 5 days in a row, have 2 days off, then back in for 6 days in a row, one day off, then another 5 days in a row. Fuck that. And more than this, he's not given me my Bank Holiday lieu day. Bastard.

Then there is Andrei, who told Chris how to run a shift. Down to "remember to bring out a cardboard cage" and "the breaks are two 15 minute breaks and one half an hour break". I also reminded Chris to breathe and to take the customer's money when they come up with items from the store. Andrei reacted in his usual reasonable manner and took out his case knife, pointed it at me and said "you were saying?" with a completely straight face. So I said "oh yeah Chris, and don't forget to keep the door unlocked". Andrei is also a fuck because he gave ME a bollocking for passing on a message from the store manager which gave him a bollocking. Actually, it went like this. I got a bollocking from the store manager because Andrei fucked up the meat section something chronic (things in the wrong sections, no rotation, items placed upright instead of laid down). So the manager asked me to pass it on. Which I did. Then I got a bollocking from Andrei for passing the message on. Nice huh? Two bollockings for something I didn't actually do. And then when I tried to make peace with Andrei by asking if he wanted a hot chocolate, he shouted "No! I do NOT want a hot chocolate! Ok?" Such a reasonable, stable Supervisor.

But Chris really takes the biscuit. First, he did nothing from 11pm to 3am apart from the cigarettes and the papers. Put in context, everyone else can get the cigarettes, papers, sweets done, and half the store faced up in that time. Then when the delivery arrived, he got two almost empty cages worked in the time it took me and Andrei to do 5 cages between us and a dolly. So six cages. And that was what he did for the entire night. About half a cage of stock and the cigarettes and the paper returns. I got my revenge. I told the trading manager what a useless piece of crap Chris is. And she agreed. She thinks he's as retarded as I do.

But to really put this in context, we got 267 cases in last night at 3:30am. We weren't finished until 7:35am. That was a small delivery and we almost didn't finish it. This being said, I did learn a LOT from my book in my breaks last night. Much information was gained on sly trickery. May have to put this information to good use at some point...

And I discovered the further Lost-esqueness of our store last night. In our fusebox, we have a socket marked EMP Test / EMP Charge with a key on a wire underneath the socket. The only thing I know that is abriviated to EMP is Electro-Magnetic Pulse. Unless it stands for EMergency Power. Alhough, surely it wouldn't need a key to charge the emergency power...not with our habit of losing keys at work... Anyway, Lost has the mysterious smoke monster. We have The Phantom Sheep! These are sheep, which no-one has ever seen, but we hear them baa-ing at random o'clock in the morning. Ok. *I* hear them. Few others do...

Tags: No Tags today!



September 8th 2006: Very exciting Friday!
Listening To:
Streaming Song Of The Day: Bob Sinclar - Rock This Party [Download This Track FREE]

Streaming Video Of The Day: Sugababes - Ugly [Download This Track FREE]

Ok, so first of all, sorry about the mess that was yesterday's songs/downloads. I was pretty drunk when I wrote that entry. So to make ammends, I've put a link on yesterday's entry for the song download. You can also download it here.

Right, first exciting bit of news. I have (probably) got the Karaoke "machine" working. Fingers crossed, we now have working, proper, pub-esque Karaoke on this site! Many thanks to Apple for their Tutorials on QuickTime files. So, to re-start the Karaoke machine, I have picked something incredibly cheesy, and singalongey.

The Pointer Sisters - I'm So Excited


And that is just the first exciting bit of news! Oh yes! Now, I always have a Friday Freebie. And today's one is really quite stunning. It's a bit of a package. First, I have to offer you lovely people what come to my blog - 60 free digital prints! Click here, upload your digital photos, and the lovely people at Photobox will send you the photos printed on real life living photo paper. Aren't I good to you? But...what use is this freebie if you haven't got a digital camera? Quite useless. So...ummm...I found free digital cameras too...Sort of. You need to complete an offer (I think the Bingo one is the least costly if you ask me...) and tell 10 friends about the service, get them to sign up, and you get an lovely, expensive digital camera. If this sounds good, click here and find out about it.

Plus, I have to blog about last night. A legendary customer came in. Posh Drunk Woman! For those of you new to this blog, Posh Drunk Woman is a...well, posh drunk woman. She comes in, normally demanding Vodka at random o'clock in the morning when we stop selling at 11pm. And she is an alcoholic. We know this for most people can wait until after 6am for a litre of Vodka. But for the last, maybe 5 months, she's been on the wagon. And fair play. But last night, she fell off in spectacular style. She came running in, telling us that murderers were waiting for her in the estate near us, and that the whole estate needed to be blown up, and could she hide in our store. So we said no, because the delivery had just arrived 10 minutes earlier. So after much flirting with Andrei (which he didn't pick up on!) she ate her sandwich and left. Then 20 minutes later she came back, and told us that the murderers had followed her home, but she'd gotten rid of them because she walked through the forest! Then asked if one of us could drive her home. So we all said no, because none of us could drive. So after much wandering through the store, she asked if we could cook her some food. Again, we said no. So she chatted up another regular and left with him! I should explain - this woman is trying to sleep her way through our town. Not a malicious lie...she offered one supervisor sex (because she'd run 2 miles to see him) and offered another supervisor a blowjob. I've also seen her down our local serial chatting up men, leaving with them, then returning about an hour later without them and starting all over again...

And Andrei isn't happy with me. Possibly because I called him a Nazi. Possibly because I made Krystian hyper. Or possibly because when he told me "I don't like your tone of voice or your attitude Mr Dave" I replied with a shrug and "I should care why?" So he vowed to make me care. By giving Krystian his breaks before mine, and reminding me how much longer I had left of my breaks. Damn, that man is scary. This is a guy, who's idea of management is if he doesn't get his own way, he threatens you with physical violence. Or "Don't get on my wrong side, you'll regret it". I must admit, I did once laugh and say in a Bruce Banner voice "Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry" to which he replied (completely missing the sarcasm) "Yeah, something like that, so don't push it". Knob.

Apart from that, nothing exciting going on in my life. I have only the thought that I now have only 7 shifts in a row to do. And the bastards at work seriously thought I'd do two 11 to 7:30 shifts in a row. I told Andrei he was pushing his luck expecting me to do 8 nights in a row, let alone 3 of them being 7:30 finishes. And for once, he backed down and said I'd only have to do one 7:30 finish.

Right...must go play a little poker, then sleep. Night all, and enjoy the Karaoke and the free stuff.



September 7th 2006: Getting Supersonic With It
I just wanted to put this up. Play the video first, and then play the song the song straight after you press play on the video. A bit of effort, but honestly, it's worth it for effect. Oh, and just remember to turn the sound on the video down!





September 7th 2006:
Listening To: Overseer - Skylight [Download This Track FREE]
Streaming Song Of The Day:

Streaming Video Of The Day: Bush and Blair sing Gay Bar

James Blunt - Bloody Cold (VERY funny Dead Ringers parody)


So, I decided to post two vids today, because I can, and because I honestly couldn't narrow it down to just one. Plus anything that takes the piss out of James Blunt has gotta be worth watching!

I'm on a mixed high and low right now. Had a great night out. I bought a book on Tuesday called The Game. It's about a journalist who goes and investigates the world of Pick Up Agents. They're basically guys who go to a bar, attract women using psychological technique, then move onto the next girl. He investigated it because, well, he was crap with women. The book interested me because my obsession is psychological technique. The ability to get someone to do something you want with a phrase, or a gesture, or whatever intruiges me. Maybe it's because my own neurology is flawed to an extent that this stuff doesn't work on me. Anyway, I've read 24 pages of this 464 page tome and decided to harmlessly play with what I've learnt so far. Whenever I learn something new, The Thomas Tripp bar staff are always my unwitting targets. My god. You cannot believe the potency of the few things I've learnt. I mean literally, I've learnt less than half a dozen of "The rules of The Game" and...damn. So I went out in my best clothes. Dark suit trousers and a black shirt with fake rips which make up a Union Jack. And then just played. Smiles here, ignorings there, cockiness abounding, and much laughter from our part of the bar. The result? The two barmaids actually fighting over who was going to serve me my drink, and one coming over and cleaning the tables around us twice! Not to mention the one I was flirting with standing in the corner of the bar looking at me most of the night. Insane.

Now, before anyone close to me freaks out over this, there is a genuine reason I'm trying this stuff out. Not for my own gains. Why would I want to? I'm perfectly happy with my own stunning girlfriend. However, my best friend Mike is chronically single. And Dyslexic. It's taken him a year to read a 300 page book. He'd never get through a 400+ page book, let alone keep track of "The Rules". This is where I come in. I love experimenting with this stuff, and discovering what works and what doesn't. Once I know this, I can pass it on to Mike in a simplified form, and watch him be a happy lil Rugby player.

So, anyway, back on with my life. I sat around playing on YouTube for a bit, and got chatting to an old, dear friend of mine in Australia. So, we chatted until 6:45am, when she said we both needed sleep! I almost went to bed. Instead, I played Poker. Much to the annoyance of my father. My father will not even bet on The Grand National, and only plays The Lottery because he dreams of becoming a millionaire. So, he sees me playing Poker and goes "hmph, hope you're not playing for real money". On another day, in another life, I'd have lied. But I was semi-drunk, and had drugs in my system. So I said "actually, I am, because I happen to be damned good at this game". But the Poker Gods disapprove of such bragging and the computer cheerfully said "Dealer Wins". So he goes "Oh really? Well, keep playing, get hooked, go bankrupt" and storms off. And so began my winning streak. I ended up £28 up on my starting stack. So I went and deposited £15 of it into my bank. And so began my low. So I am happy with this. Until the computer tells me that rather than the £21 I expected to have left, I actually have £8. So I think "Ok, my bonuses have been taken out, that's cool, I'll redeposit the amount back and the bonuses will reappear". No such luck. So I have e-mailed the casino to tell them what happened, and that as the money never actually went into my account, I want my bonuses back. Although, on a higher note, the casino did inform me when I logged in that I have been given a VIP status in the casino. Nice one. As an affiliate of theirs, I know what VIP status brings. And it's nice. Couple more steps up that VIP ladder, and I will be a very happy Jack. And I think my 4th deposit will seal the highest tier of VIP status for me. Heh heh heh.

Right, must sleep. Will post the photos from last night's outing tomorrow, because this post is getting LONG.

Tags: Poker, the thomas tripp, The Game, Psychological Technique, Australia, Casino VIP

September 6th 2006: Cava, Poker, Whisky and sleep
Listening To: Damien Rice - Cannonball [Download this track FREE] (rename it as .mp3)
Streaming Song Of The Day: The Killers - Mr Brightside [Download this track for FREE]

Streaming Video Of The Day: Ed Byrne on Hijacking Planes

So, yesterday morning I drank a bottle of Cava to try and get to sleep. It didn't work. So instead of sleeping, I listened to Russell Brand's podcast and went on eBay and bought a book (which insanely, turned up this morning!) And after that I played some poker. Badly. I got absolutely thumped. So I called Mike and asked him to come over after Rugby, and then watched music videos and CSI until he came over, at which point things become a bit of a blur. Because after not sleeping for 28 hours, and then drinking four whisky and cokes on top of a bottle of Cava, I was very drunk. I remember playing him the Eddie Izzard Daleks thing, and watching many pisstakes of The Frosties Kid. And that's all. Then I slept for 9 hours and went to play more Poker, except Matt was using the computer for his CV. And after an hour, I finally got it back. And played some more Poker. And got thumped at it again. I do like this Casino though. They give me free money. Like last night. I deposited £25, and got a 50% free bonus for my first deposit, and 10% bonus for using my Solo card. Which can't be bad, right? On my fourth deposit they give me a 200% bonus. Insane...

And because I didn't go out, this entry is going to be quite boring I'm afraid... I'm considering a trip to Yate's tonight, although it's a lot of effort. Much planning required. Plus I think The Tripp opens later than Yates on a weekday. Ho hum...such is the boring nature of my life I guess.

Tags: poker, cava, whisky, the thomas tripp, ed byrne


September 5th: Had to blog this...
Mum: Here, have some swiss roll
Me: I don't like swiss roll
Mum: Oh. Ok. It's made with fresh cream
Me: I don't like swiss roll
Mum: Well it's just chocolate cake
Me: I still don't like it
Mum: But it's chocolate cake with fresh cream
Me: And I still don't like swiss roll
Mum: Oh fine, be grumpy then!

I am sure my mother actually believed if she badgered me enough, she'd change my taste preferences...

Oh, and I forgot to mention, a big HI to my readers in the Israel/Jordan/Middle East (my map and my geography sucks) area of the world. I know you're there....you left a big red dot on my map. If you want to leave a comment, please do.


September 5th 2006: Beware the dark side of Relentless, for it is truely evil
Listening To: Super Massive Black Hole - Muse [Download this track for FREE] (rename from .rbs to .mp3)
Streaming Song Of The Day: Third Eye Blind - Semi Charmed Life [Download this track for FREE]

Streaming Video Of The Day:

So, Relentless truely has an evil side. The come down. Normally, I don't burn through enough caffeine for the come down to hit me. Except last night we finished at 4:30am. An hour and a half after the delivery arrived. And then it hit. Because I did some really stupid things. Like putting both GRN (Goods Recieved Note) slips into our GRN box. Meaning that I have to hope that the person sorting through them notices. And then, Laura stopped me and asked why I was putting the magazines in the back of the store. Doh. Corrected by the thickest person in the store. You know things are going downhill when that happens...

I suppose I should mention the fire alert we had on Sunday night. I meant to mention it yesterday, but I was too shocked by Steve Irwin's death. So, just as I start work, the fire alarm goes off. So I figure Malcolm has been asked to do a fire drill. Then run into him running into the coridoor going "evacuate everyone, this isn't a drill". And oddly enough, considering we only have 100,000 litres of petrol under our feet, I don't panic. I just stroll into the store, tell Chris that it's not a drill and to shut all the pumps down, then evacuate everyone to the fire assembly point. And light a cigarette. 20 minutes later, with no sign of Malcolm, and the alarm still going off, I walk back into the allegedly burning down store and ask him what's going on. Now the fire alarm system is refusing to accept the authorisation code to tell it that actually, there isn't a fire. Malcolm knows this because for the last 20 minutes, he's been entering it into the console. So I leave him randomly hitting buttons and spend the next 15 minutes chasing fuckwits in cars who despite people being outside, all the staff being outside, and a white van parked across the entrance, still try to get inside. So after the alarm has been going off for 35 minutes, the fire brigade turn up. You'd think that if a petrol station is sending them a report that they're on fire, they'd be a bit quicker. But no. So they come in, inspect the store, and tell us that not only is there no fire, but the sensor which detected it is in the wrong zone. So we actually wasted 45 minutes of the shift standing outside trying to stop customers going into a store they could have gone into. And what did Chris the Monkey say? "Ooohhhh...well...at least we got some time off, and it was a bit exciting wasn't it?"

And, I really have to point out the recipes section on the back of the bottle of Whisky I bought after work to drink tonight. I swear to god, there is a recipe for Whisky And Water. Fuck me. If you can't figure out how to fix a whisky and water without instructions, you shouldn't be drinking. Or breathing.

I watched Hell's Kitchen USA last night. Possibly the funniest thing I have ever seen. A big rough Texan guy is there going "if he wants to start on me, he's going to get a pitbull right back at him". And starting is Gordon Ramsay's nature. So he tells the guy that he'd rather eat a pile of poodle shit than another mouthful of what he's cooked. This guy must be the softest pitbull in the world, because he just nods, says ok, and gets back in line! Also nearly wet myself when this guy presented what looked like cream cheese on the top of some pasta. With cress on top of the cheese. So Gordon Ramsay asks him to come forward and hold his hat out. AND HE DID IT! Honestly, what was he expecting? A few bucks? Instead, he got the creamed cheese and cress dumped in his baseball cap. And he didn't got nuts, or lose the plot. He just said "oh, ok" and got back in line. I swear to god they either haven't met him, or thought "oh, he's English, he's going to be a pussy cat". Even when they were standing around having drinks and he stormed into the resteraunt and he told them to make their signature dishes, they laughed. Until he said "what are you fucking waiting for? put your drinks down and start fucking cooking!"

And Krystian got a short taste of my vengeful side. There were no members of management in until 6:30am, so I assumed management of nightshift. And after I told Krystian that Illona was cute, he went and told her. And then, the cheeky fuck came up to me and said "ok, now we go smoke?" So I told him to continue putting the bread out. And he goes "no, smoke, then milk, then bread". So I told him he would do the bread, and I would do the milk, then we would smoke. So he laughs. Until I said "no, I am in charge of nights until someone comes in, you do the bread while I do the milk". After a short protest, he did the bread, and I did the milk. And then we smoked. And then Laura came in. First thing she does, is ask if we're on a break. No, we're smoking when we're not allowed to, and we're going to admit that to you, you stupid fucking behemoth. So after being told we are, she goes "ok, good" and just walks off! Turns out, she's checking up on us, looking through the warehouse for stuff that will go out that we've missed. She finds three things, two of which were Chris's fault. I cannot wait for Saturday. It's going to be sweet being in charge for the first time ever. I am going to blow their minds with how good the store can look when someone efficient in running the show.

Tags: Hells's Kitchen, Gordon Ramsay, Fire Alarms, Muse, Third Eye Blind


September 4th 2006: Damn...
Listening To: Chemical Brothers - Galaxy Bounce [Download this track FREE]
Streaming Song Of The Day: Keane - Bedshaped [Download this track FREE] (This link is a Torrent file, but has a nice surprise)

Streaming Video Of The Day: 2DTV - The Best of Saddam and Bush

Damn...I couldn't believe the news when I read it today. Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter is dead. He's one of those guys that you see doing insanely dangerous stuff, and you just think he's indestructable. It's so wierd. Plus, he wasn't so old either. Just 44. I know I didn't know him, but that doesn't mean you can't be a little shellshocked that he's dead. See you in another life brother.

Tonight was tough. 444 cases came in, and we got all but one cage finished. We'd have finished the whole damned thing if Chris wasn't such a pathetic waste of fucking space. I even offered him to a dayshift Supervisor. She turned down my offer. And it was a free transfer, I didn't even want anything in return. Maybe on Saturday when I'm shopfloor supervisor I can do something. Maybe reassign him to the bakery or something... You might think I am being overly harsh on the guy. Trust me, I'm not. In four hours he worked a cage and a bit. In the same space of time, I worked six cages. Admittedly, I cheated. I was fuelled by Relentless. Seriously, if you eversee a can of this, BUY IT! Those comments are not the view of the few. Our store actually cannot buy it in consistently. Demand at the depot is too high. For us to get three cases in two days is nothing short of a miracle. I digress. Malcolm was chirpy and happy and gave me all my breaks without me having to ask. Methinks he still reads this blog. If you're reading this Malcolm, fuck you. I hope your holiday is shit. And roll on October when dayshift are inflicted with the blight that is your inept management.

Oh, and Fred came in at 4am because he ran out of fags. Bless him. He tidied the kitchen and loading bay while he waited for me to start my break. He also made coffee. Not so much blessing of him for that. The milk had gone off, and he didn't notice, so our coffee was thrown down the sink after he left. Was a nice thought though.

And that's about it really. Now to smoke, then sleep. LOTS. And prepare for 2 days off after tonight's shift!

Tags: Steve Irwin, Chemical Brothers, Keane, Hopes And Fears, Bittorrent, Relentless, 2DTV

September 3rd 2006: Huh?
Listening To: Limp Bizkit - My Generation
Streaming Song Of The Day: Andreas Johnson - Glorious (listen to the lyrics closely, nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more!)

Streaming Video Of The Day: Gay Boyfriend - The Hazzards

I'm sorry to the people who will, almost certainly be offended by this video, but I saw it last night and I really had to post it. And then just now I woke up on the sofa and I have to blog what I heard. A Muslim cleric in the UK is saying words to the effect that Jesus was as much to blame for the 9/11 bombings as Al Queda. Can someone explain to me why this guy is still a UK resident? This is a Christian country with a Christian Prime Minister. I have nothing against other people practising their faiths, and I actually enjoy religious debate. However. That's not debate. That's just taking a sore point and pouring a bottle of vinegar on it just to cause reaction. And then you have Nina Myskoff, the angry, spiteful little pixie she is AGREEING with him. Saying that religion is to blame for every war in history. Ok, so say you go along with her. America is also a Christian country. What if the President of The US and the PM over here said "y'know what? Christian country, new policy. Anyone who wants to spout hateful or deliberately spiteful religious comments, go ahead. But when you get caught up in the next attack, you're on your own. No NHS that we provide. No councillors. Nothing." I think people would soon change their minds after that kind of statement. Particularly if they saw it through.

Anyway, enough religious and political debate. This morning, I came in and sat down, and played poker for a solid half hour. Going through extreme highs and maddening lows in the process. Had a couple of very nice pots, and quite a few smaller ones too. Overall, I was £10 up after half an hour. This I like. Lots. I'm working on my strategy all the time. Trying to figure out the best way to play this damned addictive little game. To the point where I spent my break reading a free magazine I found at work about poker. And you won't believe this, but there was actually some very good advice from a topless model in there. I mean real, intelligent, sensible advice on gambling. She said that if you're going to play online poker, maybe you should give up a night out and spend what you would have spent on that night out on poker. Sound advice if you ask me. You have these people who are hooked, and spend thousands on it. It's all about moderation. And why not go out and buy a few beers, some snacks, and sit at home playing Poker with some strangers online? It's a different type of night out, and if you lose all your money, you've had a different night, met new people, and will still have spent what you were going to anyway. And if you win, you've actually made some money from your night! And as I can't go out on Tuesday, I think maybe I'll do that.

Right...and now I must go back to sleep. Malcolm, in his infinite wisdom, has made it so that it's just me, Chris and him tonight. God, I may actually murder someone tonight. But it's now confirmed that Kevin will be on nights in a few weeks. I cannot wait. Because Malcolm is a fuck. I asked him a month ago if I could have next Wednesday off, as it's mine and my girlfriend's aniversary. He suggested I had the day after. So what does he do? Puts me on a 5 day run, which goes from Sunday through to Thursday. Prick. Thing is, if I had asked Kev, he'd have done whatever it took to make it happen, because I'd given him what on nights is an obscene amount of notice. Malcolm just delights in fucking me over when it comes to Tizz because he wishes he was actually fucking her.

Tags: The Hazzards, Andreas Johnson, 9/11, Muslim Clerics, Poker

September 2nd 2006: Oooohhhhh...you gotta try this, you just gotta...
Watching: Wife Swap
Streaming Song Of The Day: Black Eyed Peas feat. Papa Roach - Anxiety

Streaming Video Of The Day: Shakira - Hips Don't Lie

Ok, so you may be wondering why I am promoting JoyLand Casino so heavily. I will explain. Although there is some kind of financial incentive for me to get people to signup, this is not the reason. Today, I used the banner myself to signup for the casino. You really do get the free cash without a deposit, and you don't even have to give your credit/debit card details. Once you've downloaded the casino program, you're good to go with your account loaded with the free cash. It's that simple. Really. So I would like to invite all of you to go and play at the casinos on me. This offer will remain up for as long as it's valid, and I don't know how long that will be, so go get it while it's hot!

Now, I must tell of my own lovely little experience of the casino! I played for maybe half an hour, maybe less, on this game called Tequila Poker. It's a cross between Blackjack and Poker. I think this is awesome. Confusing at first, but once you get into it, it's really great. Very addictive. To the point where my new copy of F1 2000 is still laying unopened on the speaker next to my computer. And my account balance is currently £40. Not bad for half an hours work huh? If this little run continues, I might have to start dressing like a card shark even more!

And today has been nice. I've just been relaxing. I woke up at 11am, had breakfast, watched Formula 3, and watched some other TV. And now I am just watching a really tense edition of Deal Or No Deal. So I am going to go watch the end of this, then go hit the casino dressed in just my fading black sweatshirt and fading blue jeans. Stylish attire for a casino, no?

Tags: Joyland Casino, Tequila Poker, Shakira, Black Eyed Peas, Papa Roach

September 1st 2006: Damn....
Listening To: John Lennon - Jealous Guy
Streaming Video Of The Day: John Lennon -Jealous Guy

Ok, so I am drunk, but this is my new, and updated site. Fewer Flash graphics, and a better experience all round. I must explain a few things in Jack 2.1. Firstly, the karaoke system has been fiddled with. Now, we have REAL karaoke. Oh yes! You get the real deal in your own front room, or office, or wherever you choose to read this. Cool, no? Here is proof!

We are starting with Sultans Of Swing by Dire Straits because I like this song, and it's very good. Diagree if you want, I don't care, because I have heard Mark Knoppfler's brother live, and he is just amazing. The whole crowd stopped drinking and just listened intenrly for an hour as he played. Ok, no Dire Straits, but he didn't need to, he was awesome on his own!

As for tonight, an OK time was had by all. The DJ was too obsessed with being loved by the bar staff and their partners to actually care about the crowd, which lead to everyone leaving, and the bar closing at 11pm. HOpefully, when I go next, Student Night will be in full swing and I can really let my hair down. As always, I photo blogged my night off. Here is a pic of a guy who basically, didn't make it past the neanderthal stage of evolution. I kid you not, he communicated in unintelligable grunts, even to the bar staff. But he seemed happy with his pint of beer.


And the next picture is really quite special. One of those things you have to see to believe. This guy in the red tie was standing at the bar ASLEEP! And that's not just quite odd in itself, but he was facing the DJ. Bless him.


But actually, last night was kinda dull. Because for some reason the night ended at 11pm. Not through choice I might add. The bar rang last orders at 10:45pm, and almost threw us out at 11:05pm. Very odd. Hopefully there will be some bright students in on the student nights soon, who can argue about misleading advertising on the screens which say "we're open until 1am!"

And today was also pretty dull. I spent the day helping my sister move into her new house. I say helping. I spent most of the day being a spare part in a busy house because there were 3 people assembling furnature, my mum and sister sorting out the kitchen, and my sister's flatmate's mum doing her daughter's room. So I ended up sitting in the bedroom playing on my phone. Then we went out to dinner, except the first place we went to had an hour's wait for table for 7, if one even became available at all. So we ended up going to this funky little surf resteraunt on the seafront where I had the 2nd best steak I've ever had. I'm pretty sure nothing will ever beat the steak I had at a little shack in Gran Canaria which without exaggerting, was simply orgasmic food.

I digress. I also read about 70 pages of The Vampire Lestat (after a friend called me their own personal Lestat), which is an incredible book. Then after dinner, we went to watch the fireworks off Bournemouth Pier. I took many photos, so many that putting them all on here would be insane. So they are the first additions to the Photo Gallery. My sister's flatmate, Sarah, is kinda cute. A podgy redhead, which is always a good start, but she's intensely dull. At dinner, all she talked about was driving the removal van. And comparing it to driving an ambulance. Also, she is a lunatic. I know this to be 100% true. My proof is that I caught her looking at me frequently through dinner, and when I spoke to her, when I was feeling quite flirty (generally, not just at her), she absolutely held my gaze. You know the thing? When someone is absolutely looking you right in the eyes, hanging on your every word? And she stood next to me during the fireworks. Not that I would want, or expect anything to happen. I'm quite content with the life I have at the moment. Still, nice to know that when I am a little more outthere, and a little more confident, I can do these kinds of things to absolute strangers of the opposite sex. Ok, so maybe the story about when a customer at work pulled a knife on me, I pulled a knife on him was the clincher in that, but who knows? Maybe she liked my sparkling personality. Or my sparkling beard...

Oh, and please look at the visitor map. Technorati has made things go mad. I have a huge following in a country I don't even know the name of! How insane is that? Although, it would appear that the counter is broken. Or internet counters now count backwards...

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